15 Dec There is always later right?
Yesterday Morning
It is 6:45 am and I am rushing to get my kindergartner dressed, fed, in the car and to school on time. It is raining, which is unusual for San Diego and I am very aware that if she pulls the blanket up over her head one more time and says “I’m tired” that we will be late. I toss her uniform on her bed and tell her to “toughen up”, that I am going upstairs to make her breakfast and that she better hurry.
It is now 7:10 and she is still downstairs dragging. I find myself snapping at her that she 
needs to HURRY UP, brush her teeth and get dressed. She tells me to “stop being mad” and that I am “hurting her heart”… I giggle silently at the cute innocent 5 year old interpretation of a “hurting heart”.
We need to be in the car right now and I am getting impatient. We rush breakfast (while I simultaneously check e-mails) and I drive her to school. As we are driving she wants to talk about Justin Bieber (how handsome he is, how she is going to marry him, how he is so wonderful … ) and I am 1/2 listening and not being fully attentive because I am thinking about work, the traffic I see up ahead and everything else of non importance on my mind. Deep down I know that I should be having a more engaging conversation with my daughter but I know I will see her after school and spend some quality time together later.
There is always later right?
This was true. For me… But not for the many other parents that lost their children this day who may have also started their mornings the same way we did. My heart aches so terribly for their loss. How will those parent who thought that they had “later” get through this?
There is so much we can’t control. All that we can ever control is our present moments. We can appreciate moments as we have them. We can cherish our loved ones while they are here. We can be fully present in conversations and activities with those who matter most to us.
I believe that I have been changed forever and my daughter will have a new mom moving forward.
-Natalie Jill
